TUSAL

The totally Useless SAL is now being organised by Daffycat. At some time, I'll try and add a link in the sidebar, but it's too early in the morning to get my head round that right now! Why not join us?

Feathers in the Nest

Jennifer is hosting a wonderful Giveaway at her blog, Feathers in the Nest. Fly over there and have ago!!

I can't count

I'm furious!! I have been working on a jacket for Tom for a few weeks now, a Debbie Bliss shawl collared jacket in four colours with scandinavian reindeer and snowflakes worked in some of the blocks. Because of the blocks of colour it was required to count rows, and after I finished the back I realised that the bottom block was 5 rows too short as I had read the wrong size instruction. I decided to ignore it and just work the fronts to match as 5 rows would only be about half an inch short. Now it is almost completed and I have started to sew it up, somehow I miscounted again, and the fronts are two rows shorter than the back!! It's just too much to get away with and as I have spent all day knitting the banding and shawl collar onto the thing, I'm not going to take it all apart and redo it now. Grrrrr! I can't believe I have made such fundamental errors, I've never done anything like that ever before. My only excuse is that I have been unwell all through the time I have worked on it, so maybe thats why.
It is now being cast aside and I am going to start stitching again. My woolly mojo has come to an end for now.

Will someone please turn out the lights now?

Second Dear Diary

This should be my very last personal post. I'm going to have a whinge and then it will be crafts only after that. The reason I will have this last moan is so that I can look back and check myself how I am at the end of next year compared to this.

The last 6 weeks have really been a nightmare part of which was described in the last post. I really can't believe this is happening but I came down with yet another fever this week and have lost another couple of days. I am now getting concerned about whether there is an underlying reason for this or if it could possible be a side effect of the weaning off Paroxetine. The side effects I have experienced before are the well known phenomenons of 'head zaps' and acute anxiety, but I am wondering if feverish episodes could be something too? If so, I don't know what I can do, and I certainly am worried about work and having to keep taking time off. I suppose I will have to talk to my GP, but she doesn't seem to know much about the subject - when I got the 'head zaps' last time, she didn't realise it was a withdrawal symptom of the paroxetine and I had CAT scans and brains scans as she was worried about tumours. It's only because of my recognition of them this time around and subsequent research on the internet that I now know what they are! Internet research is not a good idea and I am now quite worried aout my ability to come off the paroxetine, but I am still determined, so hopefully this time next year I will be off it completely.

I have been wavering for ages about the OU and I have now decided to stop, at least for a couple of years. I am reluctant to do this, but I just don't think I have the time to do a good job right now. Plus I do want to get back to my stitching and I am getting into cooking and also cake decorating all of which benefit the family. I do still feel I have something to prove to myself as well as my family, and yet at the same time I wonder why I feel like that. Am I such a failure in life? As many have pointed out to me, I can still semi study by myself and still read the course book I have, but I know I need the discipline of a course to actually do it. So I have decided to stop beating myself up about it all, have a couple of years and then look again.

What I really have to concentrate on is getting healthy. I'm 55 in a couple of weeks, and that seems somehow a real milestone to me. Born in 1955 and 55 years old seems nice and symmetrical and 5 is my favourite number for some reason. Only 15 years to go and I wll be 70 and that frightens me. I have seen so many people age in a way that I don't want to; I don't want to lose my marbles, have a healthy body and be a burden to my children, nor do I want to have a healthy mind in a decrepit body and be frustrated, cranky and a damn nuisance to my children. I have lots of damage to undo, the first being the obesity issue which underpins everything and I really have to address that before I can even consider anything else. I need to sit down and plan a menu and stick to it. It shouldn't be difficult, I just need to do it!! When I have lost a couple of stone, I hope my hip will stop hurting and I can start walking and cycling again, and then really get going. So thats my plan - lose two stone and then start exercising. My target will is to be cycling to work at least twice a week, and to have lost 5 stone by this time next year. It is possible, and I bloody well intend to do it!! Hopefully I will do the Moonwalk in 2012, a year later than planned.

So, stitching plans are:
Finish Tom's cardigan I am halfway through
Knit second Baby Crofter jumper
Knit stripy sweater
(All hopefully by Christmas)

Then :
Over Christmas period start Tom's Christmas Stocking (to have completed by next year)
New Year - finish the baby Orangutan for Becky
When done, carry on with stocking until done.

If that all happens it will be a miracle!

Dear Diary

Here we are in November and I appear to have disappeared from the world. I'm not sure just why I have been so disconnected from everything recently but I'm hoping to get back to normal.

Firstly, health has been an issue. Since May I have had extreme hip/groin pain that wasn't getting any better despite physiotherapy. The Physio resorted to accupuncture and the pain did start to get better but has now come back a bit. Walking is out of the question as it is far too painful. I'm not sure where to go with this, but more on that below. Mid September I came down with what appeared to be Norovirus and was quite ill with that for a week or so, then I developed an abscess on a tooth, and had the tooth extracted on 12 October. However, that didn't go smoothly, and I had to make two return visits to the dentist because the tooth socket became septic and I had to have bone scraped out. The pain has gone away in the last two days, which is a relief, as believe me, I have never known pain like it. I am getting spontaneous bleeding from the site now and again, but I don't care, so long as it doesn't hurt. I still have a gaping hole in the gum, but hopefully that will soon heal up. I've just had a week off from work, but I was ill again with a virus of some knd last Monday and Tuesday, which was a bit of a waste. I picked up the virus from Tom, and the Norovirus as well. Nursery seems to be a breeding ground for bugs.

For various reasons I haven't started to cycle from work. I was without one of my hearing aids for four weeks around August /September (the dog chewed up my aid) so I wasn't confident cycling without being able to hear. And then I was ill, one way or another. I did get on the bike a couple of days ago and it nearly killed me!! I wasn't very fit before but I have lost whatever fitness I did have. I think this succession of 'events' has knocked me back a bit. It does seem that that short bike ride is what set off the hip pain again as well, so I am doubly cautious.
Ah well.

I am trying to wean off the anti depressants again, and have started on the regime of reducing the dose for the last 4 weeks, with no problems so far. I'll be down to half dose at Christmas and if all goes to plan, should be off them completely by 3 March next year. The dose reduces by 1/8 every three weeks. Slow, but with paroxetine there is no choice as the side effects of stopping are dreadful.

Hobby wise, I have been knitting and have made around 6 sweaters for Tom. I really should have taken photos, but I keep forgetting. No stitching at all, but lots of cooking which I am really enjoying. I'm making some food presents for people at Christmas this year, and so far have made some cupcakes, chutney and a spiced arancillo drink. I'll be making some sweets and biscuits to give away too, together with a small bottle of home made toffee cream liquer and a jar of ingredients for muffins that just need the eggs and milk adding. I've also signed up for some icing lessons at the local sugarcraft shop for a Royal Iced Christmas cake. I'm hoping they will be able to teach me how to do successful flat icing as I never managed to do it myself! There's a rolling pin in Lakeland that might help to get the marzipan even which is pretty crucial so I might get that later.

I'm sure there is more to say, but thats enough for today.

There is a fantastic Halloween giveaway being hosted on the Deep inside Missy and Annette's Acre blogs. Do please head over and see, using the button on the right!

Monday

I've really got the Monday blues!! Although this will be my last ever Monday at work, as after this week Istart my part time hours. I daresay I will get Tuesday blues instead!
In the end I started something completely different for Tom - I dug out the Debbie Bliss Cashmerino I bought when he was born. I only have enough yarn to knit one particular sweater, the polo shirt, so this I have started. I've done the back and have almost done the front. I think I am going to be tight for the yarn though.....maybe if I knit quicker I can finish before the yarn runs out???

Pondering

What do I knit next? I have finished an aran Jacket for Tom, and am halfway through a cardigan for a friend who is now almost and ex-friend, so I don't feel inspired to continue with that except for the sake of tidiness. But then what? I have started a coat for me but that is huge and would be best knitted in the winter. There is a jumper I want to get done for Tom, then I am itching to start a few crochet projects despite not having learnt to crochet yet - who says I am a pessimist?
Then there is a shawl thingy and a couple of scarves that I have ready to start. I'm off on a beach holiday in a week's time, so I need something small for that where I can keep it under control and not have the ball of wool go bouncing off into the sand. Maybe I should take my' learn to crochet' book and crocheted bag project for the beach, and a scarf for when I get fed up with crochet. But then what for the evenings? Can't be Tom's jumper as I don't want Jen to see it before it is done. The friend's cardigan then, which means I can start Tom's jumper tonight. Yes, I like the sound of that plan!!

A decision made

I have made my decision at last after a lot of agonising. I've decided not to carry on with the OU, at least not in the near future. I'm greatly disappointed yet at the same time wondering who I was kidding. I'm never going to be a great intellect, so what was I trying to prove. All it did was alienate my family and suck up lots of time. I have been trying to put myself up on a higher level, thinking I am toointelligent to spend hours in front of the TV, yet but by thinking wasn't I somehow looking down on the rest of my family who are happy to do precisiely that? It will be easy to slip back into old habits of just vegging on the sofa watching TV but at least I will be able to carry on crafting. I will miss the way my mind was opened by the OU, how I started to delight in the arts and appreciate other cultures and ways of thinking. But I am only Mrs Average and nothing special, so who am I do try and get above myself?
Plus, I can't afford it.

About the Starlight Walk

Here's an article about the Starlight Walk I did.

My group have raised over £1,200 for the hospice and I feel very proud to have been part of it.

Boy oh boy!!

Last night I joined a walking group for a 3.5 mile walk. I found it harder than anything I have done before, even last weeks 9 mile walk. I think maybe it's an accumultion of the 9 miles last Saturday and the 5 mile bike ride on Tuesday evening. I couldn't get into my stride last night and I was really out of breath. Today I am so, so tired and sleepy! The sleepines is no doubt down to the poor nights sleep on Tuesday night - the heat was really getting to me.
Anyway - tonight and tomorrow I will be just knitting in front of the tv, which hopefully will set me up for my cycle lesson on Saturday morning. Then I think it's a short walk on Sunday, just to keep up the momentum a bit, and I plan to cycle to work next Monday and Friday and walk again on the Wednesday. That way I will be alternating rest days with each activity day which seems sensible for now. I do want to fit in some gym work as well for upper body toning, but we'll see how I do next week!

Some pics

Starlight Walk last Saturday



The team - me on far right













Me with silly bobbles















And so thrilled I did it!!! (Thats hubby on the far right)

I did it!!

I managed the 9 mile sponsoredd walk despite the groin injury (adductor tendonitis). The first 20 minutes was painful but then the pain just went. I guess the walking must have relaxed the tendon. I can't tell you how thrilled I am, it's just such a big thing for a couch potato like me!
So, I've now decided to do the London Moonlight Walk next year...

Hmmm!!

Wedding Ring Shawl

I feel a project coming on...

Woolly thoughts

Knitting seems to have become my obssession now. I have about 500 projects lined up in my head and various ideas about knitting this years Christmas presents. None of this will come to fruition of course, as it's the usual case of 'eyes bigger than belly' that I have always suffered from. I have stopped stitching for the moment, as I have a big 28" scroll frame in my stand and there isn't room for it where I sit. I have to persuade himself that he can do without the occasional table he keeps next to his sofa upon which his tobacco, papers, lighter, specs, and tv remote controls currently reside. As he is mostly in a horizontal position he can't reach the other coffee table next to him. I will have room for my frame if he agrees to move, but I'm certainly not asking him to do this until the World Cup is over, as his mood isn't particularly great at the moment due to the (predictably) poor performance of the England team. I have also resisted saying 'told you so'. I'm such a good wife!
So, as things stand, I am knitting a huge Debbie Bliss coat 'pour moi', a jacket for my friend Jane, I have the yarn for two shawls and one scarf, I plan to knit a cardigan for Tom for the holiday (by first week in August....really?)I have seen a gorgeous silk yarn I am lusting after, I want to do two crochet shawls/scaves despite not yet being able to crochet, and about 6 pairs of socks for Christmas, a mans jumper for Christmas, two shrugs for Christmas and various baby garments. Right. Not to mention all the books I want to read, one XS project due last September, one not yet started due this Friday, all the Christmas XS I promised I would do (including a stocking for Tom) plus some Christmas sewing - ornaments and a mantleshelf cover.
I am shortly to be starting babysitting one day a week, and working 4 x 9 1/2 hour days a week.
Something not quite right there!!

It's jolly hard work...

I have really picked up on increasing the amount of exercise I do. It's taken time to work up to this but it's happening. In the last week I have done 2 x 1 hour-long 'power walks' covering 5k each time. OK, maybe that's not huge, but for me, with my level of obesity I think it's pretty good. I've also started my cycling lessons which are for two hours each Saturday morning. I'm still wobbly but I hope it's going to get better. I went for a 4 mile 'fun' bike ride after work last week as well. I feel really tired and exhausted today, but have another walk scheduled for tomorrow evening and will be covering at least 7 miles on my bike next Saturday. I'm hoping it starts to get a little easier soon, as I still am not convinced that I am going to be able to complete the 15K walk in 3 hours on June 26th even though I will be giving it my best shot!
Although my level of exercise has been gradually increasing since March, it's having no impact on my weight although I haven't been eating to excess, so I will have to cut down further.
In other news, Tom can now sit up and is well on the way to crawling; at present he goes backwards. He has taken well to solid food and seems to be changing into a proper little boy in front of our eyes.
And the best news of all is that I am off to a three day stitching retreat in 9 days!!

Starllight walk

There is a link below to sponsor my team for doing a 9 mile walk around Swindon to raise funds for our local Hospice. One of our team, Jacky has terminal cancer and has had wonderful help from them. As she says, she has discovered that they are not just for death but for life too, and they have helped her to cope with her disease and to be positive and proactive. As you can imagine, a 9 mile walk is a hard challenge for me with my level of unfitness, so I'm hoping people will sponsor us, even if it's just for a pound.

Gina is fundraising for Prospect Hospice - JustGiving

Gina is fundraising for Prospect Hospice - JustGiving

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As I said - devastated

I didn't even get an interview. I really wasn't expecting that. It's hard to describe how I feel - I know I am now going into a boring repetetive dead end job, and will have to do very long days at it too. I asked for feedback and was told that it was down to not filling the application form ou with enough detail or examples, and because I used bullet points in places. This goes against everything I have previously been told about application forms which is that they should be concise and snappy and leave lots of avenues for questions at an interview. I feel that this job was the last throw of the dice for me; my last opportunity to get a decent career type job rather than just getting through the day doing mundane tasks. I feel so bad I am almost making myself ill, but I can't seem to snap out of it.
A good nights sleep, methimks and some valium to help.

Stitching Blogger's Question

Lee at Lake Stitcher has started up a monthly SBQ. Here's this months:

Suppose we say that there are two types of stitchers.

There are those who enjoy the “process” of stitching. They stitch for stitching’s sake and if something gets finished, so much the better, but it’s not necessarily the end goal. Primarily, it’s the application of needle and thread to cloth that makes them happiest.

Then there are those who are “project” stitchers. They move steadily through their projects, certainly enjoying their stitching time, but finding their greatest joy in the completed stitching.

If you had to pick one to describe yourself, which type of stitcher would you be? I imagine that we could all say that we fall somewhere in between, but really think hard about this and try to pick just one. And once you’ve decided whether you’re a Process or Project stitcher, tell us if your recognize that approach in other parts of your life.

At first I wanted to say that I was a Project Stitcher, because the reason I stitch is because I fall in love with a design and want to have it hanging on the wall in my home. Usually, it's because as well as being aesthetically pleasing, the design says something about me and gives me something to 'show off' about.
Then after a bit of thought, I realised that in fact, I don't really like some of the pieces I have stitched and they are gathering dust hidden behind various pieces of furniture. Some that immediately spring to mind are some purple irises by Silver Lining and a Chatelaine Christmas Sampler, that was a mystery or I would never have chosen it - the design is a mess. There is Lavender and Lace's 'Fairy Dreams', which looks dark and gloomy to me now, a Dimensions Angel which looks amateurish and some Hardanger where I don't like the framing. I do have Teresa Wentzler's Millenium hanging, and while I like bits of it, I'm no longer comfortable with the religious aspect of it. There are some others lurking around but I can't bring them to mind just now. The only piece I have in my home that I can honestly say I love, is Heritage Stitchcraft's River Thames and Mirabilia's Midsummer Night's Angel.Looking back, I sititched many of these because of the challenge. Fairy Dreams has an amazing over one face that is almost photographic, but I now find I dislike a mix of over one and over two in most designs - I don't like the contrast in detailing. The Silver Lining was just big and at the time we had some beautiful Irises in our garden. The Hardanger was just showing off that I could do it!
So I suppose if I feel like that about my stitching, I can't be a project stitcher as the finished item doesn't give me long lasting pleasure - just a sense of satisfaction that it is finished. So I suppose I must be a Process Stitcher - in love with the act of stitching rather than the end result. Surprising, as I sometimes have to force myself to pick up a needle!

Funny, how the mind plays tricks!

On Friday I submitted a job application for what would be a promotion. When I started working on the application I wasn't all that bothered, especially as it's unlikely I will get the job - there are two vacancies and around 25 applicants at least. However, the further I got with filling in the application and reliving some of my past jobs, the more I wanted the new post . Now, of course, I will be devastated if I don't get an interview, let alone don't get the job!

Longings

Having rejoined the blog world recently, and finding lots of new stitching blogs to read I have fallen hook line and sinker in love with Blackbird Designs. (Sorry, I can't find a website, only a blog) The problem is I also looked hard at my finances yesterday and discovered that I am in deep trouble. I won't go into details - we won't starve or lose our house, but spending has been more out of control than I realised and I need to make up some overspends. So, no investment in stitching for me for a while. I am committed to one project in August, and that is Chatelaine's Hummingbird Mandala and it will be pricey.
However, I'm sure things will soon be under better control.

OK I'm still here!

Life is getting sort of back to normal, but I do feel it will never be the same again! Dring my week off, my mum collapsed suddenly and was rushed to hospital. It turned out to be a double pulmonary embolism and I really thought I was going to lose her for a while. However, she has battled through and recovering very well. Mum is too stubborn to allow something like that to get her down!
I am also makng efforst to lose weight again, get fit(ter) and also do my bit for the environment. I have joined the 10:10 initiative and have bought a bike which I intend to use twice a week to get to work. I need to get fitter first, though! I am going to the gym twice a week, and for a short bike ride in my local woods twice a week too, and am back on my diet properly. Sadly I haven't picked upa needle for weeks - I do feel far to tired, but I hope this will improve. I like to stitch in front of the TV , but there has been nothing worth watching that my DH will have on, so I've spent far too much tiome on Facebook instead. Also, b the time I have either been to the gym or done other tasks after work, then cooked my dinner it's usually near 8pm and not much of the evening left.
As for the sleepiness problem, although I slept late last Sunday, I haven't retreated back to my bed in the afternoons recently so maybe it's improving with the additional exercise. Although it takes a lot of effort not to go to sleep - I have to go out and actively do something out of the house.
I will get round to posting some pics soon!

Oops!

So much for more regular posting. I feel like my feet haven't touched the ground over the last week or two, and I'm busy this week as well. I can't wait for my week off next week! I've done three 12 hour days at work in the last 7 days as an unworkable deadline was announced to universities by our CE - not that we expect anything realistic ever to be done by our CE! I had Tom overnight last Friday, have met both girls for chats, done shopping and tried to fit in some stitching. I hardly picked up my needle this weekend as I was so tired, and I will have to have an early night tonight as I am sitting at my desk yawning away at the moment.
Promised photos will be posted soon!

A decision to make

From August I will be dropping one day a week of work to look after my Tom while Jenny is working. At present I work 71/2 hour days (37 hours a week) with an hour for lunch (on average). If I drop one day that will take me to 30 hours a week but means I lose quite a bit of salary. I get the feeling that Ken thinks I should work longer days so I bring in more money. If I did 34 hours a week that would mean working from 8 to 5.30 with an hour for lunch. I know I couldn't cope with that in my present job as I have so little to do and get extremely bored. However, with this new job starting around September I really don't know what to expect. Also, I don't think the policy for time off for medical appointments would be so flexible as I get at the moment, and it would be difficult to fit those around those hours. On one hand it would be good not to lose quite so much money, but on the other hand I'm not sure I want to put that much presure on myself.
WHy do I find it so hard to make decisions?

Welcome

Thanks to GemmaK I now have a spiffing new blog! As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I was unhappy with the format of my last blog, given that I'm no longer studying and not sure if I will again. But one thing I am and will remain is a grandmother. And no, not at all faery-like, far from it, but I do love faeries!
So, a stitching update. I am progressing well with Becky's orangutan, and it's an enjoyable stitch, even if it is a mite bigger than I anticiapated. I am hoping to finish by June at the latest. I have halted work on it for a bit in order to work on a scissor fob to give Mum for Mother's Day. It's a Drawn Thread design, Heart Throb, and is designed to be a scissor fob, but it is HUGE!! I'm quite worried that it is going to look silly. I've also ordered some rather pretty scissors for the fob - they are what I am using at the moment and are just as good as my old Dovos were.
I will post some photos in my next post.

This is....

.....a test post.