TUSAL

The totally Useless SAL is now being organised by Daffycat. At some time, I'll try and add a link in the sidebar, but it's too early in the morning to get my head round that right now! Why not join us?

Feathers in the Nest

Jennifer is hosting a wonderful Giveaway at her blog, Feathers in the Nest. Fly over there and have ago!!

I can't count

I'm furious!! I have been working on a jacket for Tom for a few weeks now, a Debbie Bliss shawl collared jacket in four colours with scandinavian reindeer and snowflakes worked in some of the blocks. Because of the blocks of colour it was required to count rows, and after I finished the back I realised that the bottom block was 5 rows too short as I had read the wrong size instruction. I decided to ignore it and just work the fronts to match as 5 rows would only be about half an inch short. Now it is almost completed and I have started to sew it up, somehow I miscounted again, and the fronts are two rows shorter than the back!! It's just too much to get away with and as I have spent all day knitting the banding and shawl collar onto the thing, I'm not going to take it all apart and redo it now. Grrrrr! I can't believe I have made such fundamental errors, I've never done anything like that ever before. My only excuse is that I have been unwell all through the time I have worked on it, so maybe thats why.
It is now being cast aside and I am going to start stitching again. My woolly mojo has come to an end for now.

Will someone please turn out the lights now?

Second Dear Diary

This should be my very last personal post. I'm going to have a whinge and then it will be crafts only after that. The reason I will have this last moan is so that I can look back and check myself how I am at the end of next year compared to this.

The last 6 weeks have really been a nightmare part of which was described in the last post. I really can't believe this is happening but I came down with yet another fever this week and have lost another couple of days. I am now getting concerned about whether there is an underlying reason for this or if it could possible be a side effect of the weaning off Paroxetine. The side effects I have experienced before are the well known phenomenons of 'head zaps' and acute anxiety, but I am wondering if feverish episodes could be something too? If so, I don't know what I can do, and I certainly am worried about work and having to keep taking time off. I suppose I will have to talk to my GP, but she doesn't seem to know much about the subject - when I got the 'head zaps' last time, she didn't realise it was a withdrawal symptom of the paroxetine and I had CAT scans and brains scans as she was worried about tumours. It's only because of my recognition of them this time around and subsequent research on the internet that I now know what they are! Internet research is not a good idea and I am now quite worried aout my ability to come off the paroxetine, but I am still determined, so hopefully this time next year I will be off it completely.

I have been wavering for ages about the OU and I have now decided to stop, at least for a couple of years. I am reluctant to do this, but I just don't think I have the time to do a good job right now. Plus I do want to get back to my stitching and I am getting into cooking and also cake decorating all of which benefit the family. I do still feel I have something to prove to myself as well as my family, and yet at the same time I wonder why I feel like that. Am I such a failure in life? As many have pointed out to me, I can still semi study by myself and still read the course book I have, but I know I need the discipline of a course to actually do it. So I have decided to stop beating myself up about it all, have a couple of years and then look again.

What I really have to concentrate on is getting healthy. I'm 55 in a couple of weeks, and that seems somehow a real milestone to me. Born in 1955 and 55 years old seems nice and symmetrical and 5 is my favourite number for some reason. Only 15 years to go and I wll be 70 and that frightens me. I have seen so many people age in a way that I don't want to; I don't want to lose my marbles, have a healthy body and be a burden to my children, nor do I want to have a healthy mind in a decrepit body and be frustrated, cranky and a damn nuisance to my children. I have lots of damage to undo, the first being the obesity issue which underpins everything and I really have to address that before I can even consider anything else. I need to sit down and plan a menu and stick to it. It shouldn't be difficult, I just need to do it!! When I have lost a couple of stone, I hope my hip will stop hurting and I can start walking and cycling again, and then really get going. So thats my plan - lose two stone and then start exercising. My target will is to be cycling to work at least twice a week, and to have lost 5 stone by this time next year. It is possible, and I bloody well intend to do it!! Hopefully I will do the Moonwalk in 2012, a year later than planned.

So, stitching plans are:
Finish Tom's cardigan I am halfway through
Knit second Baby Crofter jumper
Knit stripy sweater
(All hopefully by Christmas)

Then :
Over Christmas period start Tom's Christmas Stocking (to have completed by next year)
New Year - finish the baby Orangutan for Becky
When done, carry on with stocking until done.

If that all happens it will be a miracle!

Dear Diary

Here we are in November and I appear to have disappeared from the world. I'm not sure just why I have been so disconnected from everything recently but I'm hoping to get back to normal.

Firstly, health has been an issue. Since May I have had extreme hip/groin pain that wasn't getting any better despite physiotherapy. The Physio resorted to accupuncture and the pain did start to get better but has now come back a bit. Walking is out of the question as it is far too painful. I'm not sure where to go with this, but more on that below. Mid September I came down with what appeared to be Norovirus and was quite ill with that for a week or so, then I developed an abscess on a tooth, and had the tooth extracted on 12 October. However, that didn't go smoothly, and I had to make two return visits to the dentist because the tooth socket became septic and I had to have bone scraped out. The pain has gone away in the last two days, which is a relief, as believe me, I have never known pain like it. I am getting spontaneous bleeding from the site now and again, but I don't care, so long as it doesn't hurt. I still have a gaping hole in the gum, but hopefully that will soon heal up. I've just had a week off from work, but I was ill again with a virus of some knd last Monday and Tuesday, which was a bit of a waste. I picked up the virus from Tom, and the Norovirus as well. Nursery seems to be a breeding ground for bugs.

For various reasons I haven't started to cycle from work. I was without one of my hearing aids for four weeks around August /September (the dog chewed up my aid) so I wasn't confident cycling without being able to hear. And then I was ill, one way or another. I did get on the bike a couple of days ago and it nearly killed me!! I wasn't very fit before but I have lost whatever fitness I did have. I think this succession of 'events' has knocked me back a bit. It does seem that that short bike ride is what set off the hip pain again as well, so I am doubly cautious.
Ah well.

I am trying to wean off the anti depressants again, and have started on the regime of reducing the dose for the last 4 weeks, with no problems so far. I'll be down to half dose at Christmas and if all goes to plan, should be off them completely by 3 March next year. The dose reduces by 1/8 every three weeks. Slow, but with paroxetine there is no choice as the side effects of stopping are dreadful.

Hobby wise, I have been knitting and have made around 6 sweaters for Tom. I really should have taken photos, but I keep forgetting. No stitching at all, but lots of cooking which I am really enjoying. I'm making some food presents for people at Christmas this year, and so far have made some cupcakes, chutney and a spiced arancillo drink. I'll be making some sweets and biscuits to give away too, together with a small bottle of home made toffee cream liquer and a jar of ingredients for muffins that just need the eggs and milk adding. I've also signed up for some icing lessons at the local sugarcraft shop for a Royal Iced Christmas cake. I'm hoping they will be able to teach me how to do successful flat icing as I never managed to do it myself! There's a rolling pin in Lakeland that might help to get the marzipan even which is pretty crucial so I might get that later.

I'm sure there is more to say, but thats enough for today.

There is a fantastic Halloween giveaway being hosted on the Deep inside Missy and Annette's Acre blogs. Do please head over and see, using the button on the right!